2WW D4

I met with SD1 again tonight, hoping to increase my chances, and had him sign the agreement I typed up. He had no problem signing it, which put me at ease. I feel much better having that now, even if it won't completely protect me in court, it will sure help.

These past few days I have been going through all the emotions possible: Anxious, hopeful, doubtful, excited, scared, sad, happy. Tonight, I feel low and depressed. I found out another friend is pregnant, and it damn near tore my heart out. I've been expecting this one for a while, and am not overly happy about it for various reasons, but mainly I am just taking it way too personally. It feels like the universe is against me. Even though I could very well be creating a baby right now, I'm scared that I'm not and will never be. Yet all around me, pregnancies are spreading like an epidemic.

When I got home tonight, I put Friends on, and Rachel was giving birth. Thanks cable. I left it on though, because I like to torture myself.

My plan now is to wait until the two weeks are up, and then take a test. Either way it ends up I will be making an appointment with my doctor. If it is negative, I would like to either have tests done to see why I'm not getting my period, or go on birth control to kickstart it. That would mean another month of waiting, and although I know it is such a short period of time, but right now each minute is agony.

2WW D4
Symptoms

• Increased CM
• Light pink spotting
• Bloating