Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Today has been.. hmm. Depressing? Disappointing? Hopeful? There aren't enough words to describe it.

I went to the doctor, and I am indeed, not pregnant. At least, as far as her urine test showed. I was not the slightest bit surprised, but I was still sad and disappointed. I explained my situation to her, from the difference in my depression to my plan to get pregnant, and she advised I go on birth control to ease my mind and body. She sent me down the hall to get blood drawn--three vials from my hand thank you very much--and she should have the results in 2-3 business days at most. I asked her to check my thyroid and progesterone, but she thinks the latter won't help me much in knowing my fertility. She did, however, have me tested for menopausal symptoms, which is a bit unnerving. She has patients that are in peri-menopause at ages 32 and 36, so she wants to be sure I'm not heading that way. I'm sure it will show I am not anywhere near that, but if I were, I'd be in a bigger rush to conceive.

I think Dr. J. needs to check my chart again; she also advised that it is a bit harder to raise children at an older age. I just turned 28, I think I can handle it just as well, if not better, than at 19. I fully expect all the emotions that come with child rearing; frustration, exhaustion, loneliness, joy, love, happiness. I am ready for all of that. The difference this time around, though, is that I have a fantastic daughter who is more than willing to help out, and will make it all that much more enjoyable.

After my appointment, I went downstairs to the pharmacy to see my favorite pharmacist, Min, who knows me by name. He hooked me up with my much needed antidepressants, and also a month of birth control pills. He said I could take them immediately because I don't know when my period will come. So I did, as soon as I got in the car.

When I got to work, I was spotting. How is that for timing? Ah, Mother Nature has such a twisted sense of humor.

SO. Now I am officially on the hunt. Where do I begin? Dating websites? The bar? Hooker Alley? Okay so I am kidding about that last one. I am at a loss right now. Luckily I have a few weeks for the pill to regulate me and then I can pinpoint ovulation. I will create a profile tonight on a dating site, just to have it out there, and see what comes of that.

Today was a very emotional day, but I now know for sure that I am not pregnant, and can plan on becoming so. Once my period comes, my blog titles will be based on where I am in my cycle, and then (God willing) where I am in pregnancy. Wish me luck!

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