2WW D17

Took another test this morning, and it was negative. I wasn't surprised, of course, but I was disappointed. I ignored the heart ache all day, and I feel sick from the sadness. I know I need to learn to be patient, most people don't conceive right away, but with my body, I don't know if it will happen at all.

I am so frustrated! I am sad, lonely, disappointed, depressed. I want to SCREAM! I want to cry, and hurt myself. I want to throw up. There is so much going on in my head and my heart, and I can't really fix it.

I hate my body! I want to know what the hell it's doing! Am I ovulating? Am I pregnant and not registering it yet? Am I infertile?

Women complain every month about their periods, but they don't know how lucky they are. If I had a regular, predictable cycle, I wouldn't be going through this. As it stands, I don't know when I ovulate, or even if I do. It is so unfair.

Meanwhile there are women everywhere having more babies, and some of them shouldn't be. What did I do to deserve this pain?

Anyway. No point going on and on about it, it doesn't make me feel better. I need a good cry, I think.

My next step is to call the doctor and make an appointment. There is still a chance that I conceived five days ago, so I will make the appointment for late next week or the week after. I need to talk to my doctor about what I am going through, and see what she suggests.

Just in case, I will keep up the charade that I may still be pregnant.

2WW D17
Symptoms:

• Fatigue
• Nausea
• Prominent veins
• Bloated
• High cervix