The other night I had this wonderful dream which left me heartbroken when I woke up: Boy Toy came up to me and asked if I was going to have a boy or a girl, and I didn't understand what he meant. He told me he'd heard that I was looking to have a baby, and he wanted to help! I was beyond thrilled! If only my good dreams came true, instead of the bad ones.
I talked to Rose tonight! I haven't had a chance to talk to her in a while, so it was nice. She is eight weeks along now, I can't believe it. I am so excited for her.
She wants me to be pregnant with her, which I had joked about when she first talked about conceiving, but I am starting to believe that won't happen, and it's making me feel very empty inside.
I am on the third week of birth control, and my period is showing signs of coming. It has been almost three months. I'm hoping next month I will ovulate, just in case the opportunity should coming knocking (me up).
I have to constantly remind myself this may never happen because sometimes I get so overwhelmed with wanting and it's breaking my heart.
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