CD 41

Okay so it's been a while.. I decided to take a break, step back from blogging my failures, and focus on Montana. It was much better than wallowing.

The cycle I last posted about ended up being 94 days long, so clearly I was not 15 dpo, and I am almost certain I didn't ovulate at all. I can't remember how I felt--although my guess is deflated--and I was ready to give up.

A dear friend I met online offered to send me Clomid. Well, I've heard that before, haven't I? However, I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, and she came through! She is a sweetheart.

My next cycle started on November 18, 2011. I took the Clomid CD 5-9, and started using OPKs on CD 19. Unfortunately, I missed my window, and SD2 and I didn't time our meet right so I completely missed my shot that cycle. I got a temp shift right away, and crosshairs pinpointing ovulation to CD 18. Needless to say, that cycle was a bust.

The Clomid I had was only 50 mg, so when I took the first one I decided to double up to increase my chances. I thought I had twelve pills in all, when in reality I had only ten. So when the next cycle, which started December 19, 2011, came around, I only had four pills to take, rather than five. Add to that the fact that they were only 50 mg, I didn't have much hope.

I started taking OPKs real early to avoid the problem I had in the prior cycle- I took my first on CD 5! Obviously, it was negative, and continued to be negative. It darkened around New Years Eve, and I met SD2 twice for AI. I assumed I missed the surge on my OPK, and watched for a temp rise. I got one the next day, so I figured I was good. The next couple days I had some spotting and eggwhite cm so I kept taking OPKs to be sure, and suddenly it turned positive on CD 19. I was shocked and worried, because I hadn't inseminated since four days prior. I texted SD2, and he agreed to meet that night for NI to increase my chances. We also met the next day. That night I had an overwhelming feeling of success, like I could feel the conception.

My temp shifted only slightly after that, hardly noticeable at all, but my chart gave me solid crosshairs on CD 19, which means I likely did ovulate that day. I worried again, because now I had done the deed on the day of ovulation rather than the day before. Nothing I could do but wait.

Over the next few days my cm turned creamy, and I had some spotting. I also had cramp-like discomfort. I thought maybe it was implantation, my spotting was mixed with cm 6 dpo. My breasts started to get tender 4 dpo, and continued getting more and more sore.

The two week wait was long, but I didn't hold out much hope. At 10 dpo I had more spotting, so I figured my period was on its way, and started thinking about what I would do next cycle: Would I find a doctor who would prescribe Clomid? Would I give up? I was at a loss.

I planned on testing January 15, 2012, because that was the day I conceived Montana, and I would be 11 dpo. I couldn't hold out. I tested at 9 dpo, and it was negative. I tried not to feel discouraged because I was early, but if I'd implanted at 6 dpo, shouldn't it show by now?

I tested the next morning, 10 dpo, and it was negative. I thought I could see an evaporation line, and wanted to test again, but resisted the urge because I had a limited supply of tests. That day I had stress, and a migraine. Then once I started spotting, I became downright depressed. I knew it was still early, but I just knew it was another bust. SD2 told me to wait until the 2ww was over, but I couldn't.

When I got up the next day, 11 dpo, it was January 15. I had two dollar store hpts and two First Response hpts. I used a dollar store test, and again saw what looked like an evap. I decided to quit messing around and tore out a FRER. It was a digital, and had a cute little clock to stare at while it decided my fate. While it did that, I studied the dollar store test.

Once I looked back, the clock was gone.

I was in complete shock. Shock doesn't even begin to cover it. I sank to the floor and cried. Then I ran upstairs to tell my mom, and bawled my eyes out. I was over the moon! I knew deep down that I was pregnant, and I guess I should have listened to my gut when I planned on testing January 15. However, I'm glad I got those BFNs because it made this test so much more special. My chart gives me an EDD of September 26, 2012.

The next few days were a blur, I felt like I was floating. I made an appointment for the following week to have it confirmed.

Once the next week rolled around, I felt kind of off. The nausea I'd been experiencing was gone. Monday night I started bleeding--not a lot, but more than spotting. It was bright red with tiny black clots. I was devastated; I knew my happiness was coming to a horrifying halt. The bleeding tapered off that night, and I decided to just take it easy until my appointment two days later.

Tuesday morning everything was fine, I went to work. Once I got there, I started bleeding again. Again, more than spotting, and bright red. I put on a pad, and went home. I just wanted to crawl in bed and cry. I called the doctor's office, told them what was happening, and they squeezed me in a day early. The doctor did an internal exam with a speculum and gave me the best news I could get at that moment: Your cervix is closed. I felt somewhat relieved. I knew there was still a chance of miscarriage, but at that moment, nothing was coming out. She gave me an EDD of September 22, 2012, which excited me because my EDD with Montana was October 22! She sent me for bloodwork, had the receptionist book an ultrasound for me, and I went home and rested.

I went for bloodwork two days later, which was horrid. I almost passed out, I dry heaved, and had to lay down. I was lightheaded all day and wanted the week to be over. That was Thursday, and by Friday I would have my appointment to go over the results.

That afternoon, I got a call from the doctor. She told me the best news I could ever hear, even better than "Your cervix is closed," she said, "We got your results and everything is fine." I almost fainted. I was so sure she would say the hcg is low. I was shocked yet again. I had her read me the numbers, and I will post them at the bottom.

That was a week ago today. I am now much more relieved, and not scared anymore. I bought a pregnancy journal, the same one I had with Montana. I am still waiting for my ultrasound appointment, but I'm not in a rush; the longer I wait, the more I'll see!

I can feel my baby bump growing every day. When I first found out, I had slight swelling above my pelvic bone, and it now fills my palm. I love that little bump!

I decided to order Montana a special shirt, and wrap it up for Valentine's Day. I am very excited! This, by far, is the hardest part! I can wait for the baby, in fact I'm enjoying each day, but waiting to tell Montana is torture! Just 12 short days left.

Beta results:

5 weeks 4 days: 1357
5 weeks 6 days: 2661

Symptoms:

• Sore breasts--cannot touch!
• Nausea--comes and goes, right now it's at an all time high
• Fatigue--falling asleep every day at work