I did the unthinkable. I can't even say what I did. Suffice it to say, I am becoming more and more desperate with each passing day, and I am taking steps toward creating my own pregnancy, with the help of the Internet. Yes, the Internet.
Most people will think this is crazy, myself included, but so strong is my desire to conceive that I will try almost anything, as long as I am safe.
It's ironic: When I was pregnant with Montana, my best friend at the time wanted a baby, and employed her ex-boyfriend as the donor. I was extremely judgmental, and disagreed with her decision from the get-go. Now I feel like a complete hypocrite, which is a big pet peeve of mine--hypocrisy. I'll be honest though, it was more the idea of her having a child than the conception that bothered me, so I can't say for certain that if I expected her to be a good mother that I would still disagree with her decision. Still, it feels good to get it off my chest: I am a hypocrite. I'm sorry old best friend!
Moving on... I have twelve emails in my account now, not including ones I read and deleted, with offers to help me get pregnant. Shady? Perhaps, but I will be careful, of that you can be sure.
Montana's ninth birthday is fast approaching, and when she was born I thought for sure I'd have at least one or two more by her ninth birthday. It is hitting me hard, and added to the depression I already experience because of my empty uterus is too much to bear.
I will update with my email escapades!
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