CD 47 ~ 5 DPO

Five days and counting!

I woke up a couple hours early today, either because of my cat or because of my about-to-burst bladder. Luckily I remembered to take my temperature before getting out of bed, and then used the online temp corrector. It was a nice jump from yesterday (0.432 Fahrenheit, which qualifies as a 'spike'.)

I went to a party tonight, and didn't drink much in case it hinders implantation, and I ate pineapple which apparently helps implantation, so hopefully everything is okay there. I did feel twinges while I was at the party, but it's pretty early, so I'm sure it's psychological.

I had some very strange dreams again--I haven't mentioned them yet, so here is a bit of description:

1. I was a vampire, and someone drove a stake through my heart. I had a baby, and when I died I could feel my hand burning, I think it was about to explode, and I think this meant my baby would die too.
2. I was spotting, brown, then pink, light red, and then tons of brown globs. I thought at first it was implantation, but there was so much that it made me think it was my period. I dipped 2 FRER tests at the same time, and they both instantly became positive. I kept spotting these brown bits, and had unbearable cramps, so I was worried it was a miscarriage. (When I woke up I was so convinced I'd have my period or spotting because the dream was so real.)
   
3. Someone's teenage daughter was murdered, so I went to the house to comfort the family and try to figure out what happened, even though I didn't know the people. One of the younger brothers clung to me and I became responsible for him, and then I became engaged to the murdered girl's older boyfriend. There was more to this dream but it's fuzzy to me now.
4. My close friend's son somehow set my hair on fire the first time I met him.

My dreams have been...interesting. For some reason heat is prominent, but I don't know what that means except maybe my body temperature is rising while I sleep.

My cervix is very low today, which is typical post-ovulation, and that makes me happy!

I am tired now, so I will be back soon!

CD 47:

BBT: 36.31 C (Adjusted from 36.12 C two hours earlier than my usual temp time)
CM: Creamy (big globs of yellow and clear)
CP: Low, closed, medium-firm

5 DPO Symptoms:

• Vivid dreams
• Temp spike
• Twinges
• Headache
• Tired
• Thirsty
• Bloated
• Low cervix
• Increase in mucus, although still feeling "dry"
  

CD 46~4 DPO

I have made it to 4 dpo! My temp did go down a bit, but not enough to worry. When I look at charts online, it seems that a 4 dpo dip is very common. I am hoping for a rise tomorrow to show a normal luteal phase. I can't really think beyond that, this day-to-day focus is really helping.

CD 46:

BBT: 36.07 C
CM: Dry, sticky, bit of creamy
CP: Low, closed, medium-firm

4 DPO Symptoms:

• Temp dip
• Gas
• Low cervix
• Backache
• Vivid dreams
• Prominent veins
• Montgomery's tubercles
• Headache
• Dizziness
• Bleeding gums
  

CD 45~3 DPO

I can't believe it... my body ovulated. My temperatures have gone up three days in a row! I have real crosshairs on my chart--they're solid, not dotted! This is the first time since I started charting that I have had solid crosshairs, so I am very happy. I am trying to focus on that fact rather than the whole ovulation-makes-a-baby dream.

CD 45:

BBT: 36.25 C
CM: Dry/sticky
CP: Low, medium-firm, closed

CD 44:

BBT: 36.17 C (Adjusted from 36.06 C an hour earlier than my usual temp time)
CP: High, soft, closed

CD 43:

BBT: 35.99 C
CP: Medium, medium, open

0-3 DPO Symptoms:

• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Pinching in abdomen
• Increased libido
• Backache
• Stuffy nose
• Stress
• Eczema
  

CD 42

Okay I'm back. I have thought a lot about everything, and after I calmed down and could think rationally again, I decided I will try my best to finish out 2011. I emailed SD2 and told him my plan: Every time I get a positive OPK, I will try to conceive, and hope that one of those OPK's results in ovulation.

Last night I got an OPK that was positive, or close to it, and egg-white mucus, so I had SD2 come over today.

I also emailed one of the people who give psychic predictions about conception, but it looks like it could take a month or so to get some results. It will be interesting to see what she says!

CD 42:

BBT: 35.73 C

CD 41:

CM: Eggwhite, creamy
CP: High, closed

CD 40:

BBT: 36.12 C

CD 39:

BBT: 36.09 C

CD 38:

BBT: 35.89 C
CM: Watery
CP: Low, firm, medium-open

CD 37:

CM: Eggwhite
CP: High, medium, closed

CD 36

Not really into talking about anything.. I'll just make this short.

I've taken other tests, all negative, so I have to assume that line was a freak thing; a false positive or an evaporation line.

Temp is staying down, my chart moved ovulation up to CD 31, meaning I am 5 DPO now. I don't even think I ovulated.

Still super tired, which feels like when I was pregnant but is probably the stress and depression of it all.

I don't know where I stand on TTC at this point, I think I'm at rock bottom. It is all consuming, and unhealthy. I'm thinking of seeing a therapist to help me deal with everything. I don't know when I'll blog again, I'm just taking it a day at a time for now.

CD 36:

BBT: 35.95 C
CM: Creamy
CP: High, closed

CD 35:

BBT: 36.02 C

CD 34 ~ 9 DPO

Okay, so I have been super busy and extremely tired, so I haven't had a chance to update. A couple days ago I had a bit of a spike, and my chart gave me crosshairs, saying that I ovulated CD 25. I wasn't sure I agreed with that, but I was happy.

Yesterday I thought my temp went down and was quite disappointed, and discouraged. I was busy all day until bedtime, but turned on the computer real quick to put my temp into FF (Fertility Friend) and double checked my thermometer. I got one of the numbers wrong, which changed my temperature by nearly a degree! That is a HUGE difference. That gave me a lovely spike, and I passed out.

Today my temp was down a bit, but it was above my coverline and I'm not sure I slept three hours in a row because my kitty woke me up a few times, so I didn't worry too much.

This afternoon I decided to take an OPK to be sure, and thought, what the heck, and dipped an HPT also. I got a bfn on the HPT, which is no surprise, especially since I'm (at most) 9 DPO, but the OPK was dark! I was like.. what the hell? I posted it on my ttc message board, and most people agreed that I hadn't ovulated at all, and that I am still gearing up to it. However, one person said she saw something. WHAAA?? I didn't, it was stark white.

Being the obsessive ttc-er that I am, I decided to pee again.. well actually, my body decided to pee again, I just decided to stick a cup underneath. I dipped a test, and, I'll be damned... there's a line.

Being also the pessimist that I am, I dipped four more tests, and one OPK. The OPK was dark again, three HPT's were bfn, and one HPT was a dud. There may not be a line on the three tests, but they aren't exactly white either. And there is no mistaking the line on the first one, it's just a matter of whether it is an evaporation or a real bfp.

I am dying, I feel nauseous and so scared that it isn't real, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I will test again before bed, and in the morning if I have time. Fingers very much crossed!

CD 34:

BBT: 36.08 C
CM: Creamy, tiny pinpoint of pink
CP: High, closed, soft

CD 33:

BBT: 37.01 C
CM: Creamy
CP: Medium-low, medium-open

CD 32:

BBT: 36.32 C
CM: Creamy
CP: High, closed, medium texture

7-9 DPO SYMPTOMS:

• FATIGUE--just like my pregnancy, but could be due to stress
• Twinges/cramps today
• Headaches
• Major skin breakout
• Major MT's on left areola today
• Vivid dreams
• Frequent urination
• Irritability
• Bloating--like sooo fat today. I look 4 months pregnant.
• Nausea
  

CD 31

Feeling pretty discouraged today. My temp was super low, but I woke up an hour early, so I used the temp corrector as to not mess up my chart too much.

I keep making excuses:

1. It can take 1-2 days for progesterone to cause a rise in BBT
2. I woke up an hour early, so I may not have gotten enough sleep before temping
3. I may be low in progesterone
4. It may be a slow rise rather than an abrupt spike
   

and really, I am just done. I'm so ready to throw in the towel and scream "YOU WIN!" to whomever is causing my secondary infertility.

While thinking up excuse #3, I remembered I have a copy of test results from when I had blood drawn seven months ago. So I am now sitting here, poring over my results and entering the information into google, hoping it will spit out something useful.

Here is what is written on my lab results:

PITUITARY FUNCTION
FSH 6.1 (<133.1) U/L
(Roche - Electrochemiluminescence)

(2.0 - 11.0 ) Follicular
(5.0 - 34.0) Midcycle
(1.0 - 8.0) Luteal
(28.0 - 133.0) Postmenopausal

I don't quite know what the numbers mean, but I think because I was on CD 41 of an almost 100 day cycle, I'd count it as "midcycle." By looking at that number, my result was very low, which is a good sign.

Prolactin 12.4 (5.0 - 23.0) ug/L
(Roche - Electrochemiluminescence)

Not sure how to read this one; 12.4 falls somewhere in the middle, which could be normal, or could cause infertility, it's too difficult to decipher. High prolactin can be caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome. Wow, I'm shocked.

I will try to read more tomorrow, but for now, I am exhausted. I don't know if it's stress that I've been dealing with lately, or if it's a symptom of ovulation, but I am wiped right out.

CD 31:

BBT 7 AM: 35.87 C
BBT Corrected: 35.98 C
CM: Sticky, dry
CP: Low, firm, medium-open